how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
