My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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