I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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