im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
