Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
