Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
