I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
