I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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