i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
