You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
