I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
