i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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