I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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