I got chris browned last night
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
