Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
