Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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