the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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