I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
