thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sarcasm needs its own font
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
