Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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