dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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