Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
