well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Randomize
