I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
