If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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