I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
