My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
