I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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