This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You are the jesus of drinking
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
