So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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