Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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