you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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