You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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