I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
