Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
