I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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