I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
