Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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