I met the friendliest cop last night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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