dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
