Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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