There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
