Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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