boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
