I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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