Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
