oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
