i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
