yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
