I just cut my nipple shaving
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
