i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
