oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
