I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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