Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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