He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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