Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
